Robert Lopez - If You Were Gay lyrics


[ROD:]
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s."
No roommate to bother me
How could it get any better than this?

[NICKY:]
Oh,hi Rod!

[ROD:]
Hi Nicky

[NICKY:]
Hey Rod, you`ll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

[ROD:]
That`s very interesting

[NICKY:]
He was being real friendly
And I think he was coming on to me
I think he might`ve thought I was gay!

[ROD:]
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don`t care
What did you have for lunch today?

[NICKY:]
Oh, you don`t have to get
All defensive about it, Rod

[ROD:]
I`m NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I`m trying to read

[NICKY:]
Oh, I didn`t mean anything by it, Rod
I just think it`s something we should be able to talk about

[ROD:]
I don`t want to talk about it
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

[NICKY:]
Yeah, but

[ROD:]
OVER!!!

[NICKY:]
Well, okay, but just so you know ?
If you were gay
That`d be okay
I mean cause, hey
I`d like you anyway
Because you see
If it were me
I would feel free
To say that i was gay
(But i`m not gay.)

[ROD:]
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read
What?!

[NICKY:]
If you were queer

[ROD:]
Ah, Nicky!

[NICKY:]
I`d still be here

[ROD:]
Nicky, I`m trying to read this book


[NICKY:]
Year after year

[ROD:]
Nicky!

[NICKY:]
Because you`re dear
To me

[ROD:]
Argh!

[NICKY:]
And I know that you

[ROD:]
What?

[NICKY:]
Would accept me too

[ROD:]
I would?

[NICKY:]
If i told you today
"Hey! Guess what
I`m gay!"
(But i`m not gay.)
I`m happy
Just being with you

[ROD:]
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey

[NICKY:]
So what should it
Matter to me
What you do in bed
With guys?

[ROD:]
Nicky, that`s GROSS!

[NICKY:]
No it`s not!
If you were gay
I`d shout hooray!

[ROD:]
I am not listening!

[NICKY:]
And here I`d stay

[ROD:]
La la la la la!

[NICKY:]
But i wouldn`t get
In your way

[ROD:]
Aaaah!

[NICKY:]
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you every day
To tell you it`s okay
You were just born
That way
And, as they say
It`s in your dna
You`re gay!

[ROD:]
But I`m not gay

[NICKY:]
If you were gay

[ROD:]
Argh!



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